We Don’t Remember What Happened. We Remember How It Felt.

I was talking to my sister about a past experience.

We were both there.

We both saw it.

We both heard the same things.

Yet our versions of what happened were completely different.

It got me thinking about how often we hear “perception is reality.”

But perception isn’t really about facts.

It’s about how we felt in the moment.

It’s a lot like looking in the mirror.

What we see isn’t just what’s reflected back at us —

it’s shaped by the story we’re telling ourselves while we’re looking.

The mirror doesn’t change.

The lens does.

We don’t remember experiences like video recordings.

We remember them as emotional snapshots.

The details fade.

The emotion sticks.

That’s why two people can walk away from the same moment carrying very different truths.

One remembers feeling safe.

Another remembers feeling dismissed.

One remembers connection.

Another remembers hurt.

Over time, the story may change…

but the feeling rarely does.

I share this with you because it’s the holidays — a time when family, memories, and emotions tend to surface.

Have you noticed this too?

These moments offer an opportunity to listen — not just for what happened, but for how life felt for someone at the time. Remembering this about our human nature can soften conversations and help families move through hard things with more understanding.

And if there’s a past experience you wish felt differently, sometimes healing looks like this:

• Noticing the emotion without trying to fix it

• Letting movement or quiet time help your body process

• Separating what happened from what you decided about yourself

• Revisiting the moment with the wisdom you have now

• Owning your part, if needed, and offering an apology

Not to rewrite the past.

But to tend to what still lingers.

Because when the emotion shifts,

the reflection often does too.

And that can change conversations —

and sometimes, relationships.